What i read today send by my friend….

The other day, I received an email from a wife whose husband had asked for “space.” He needed “time to think” and wanted to be able to do so without the wife around as much. Of course, the wife did not know quite how to take this. It felt like rejection. It felt like the first step of breaking up. It felt like her didn’t want her anymore. So, naturally, this made her want to make her presence known that much more. She knew that pushing herself on him when he asked for space might just be the wrong thing to do. However, she was having a very hard time with this. She simply wanted to be with him and it felt wrong to step back. She asked how she could get through this and give him the space he had asked for. I’ll share with you what I advised her to do in the following article.

When A Husband Asks For Space, You Should Make It Work For You: There are many reasons that a man will pull away or ask for some alone time to reflect. Sometimes, this doesn’t even have that much to do with you. He may not connect the dots with this though. He may well be projecting his frustration in other areas onto you. Or, he may be having some issues with himself. Other times, he may be contemplating or reflecting on the relationship and may just want to be able to do this without your being there influencing his thoughts. Sometimes, he just wants to broad on his own. Men very rarely want to share their vulnerability with their wife.

However, never underestimate silence and distance as a tool that can work for you rather than against you. Basically, you have a choice here. You know that when he’s taking his “space” he’s going to reflect upon you and the relationship, so don’t allow the recent images of you to be those of you arguing and / or guilting or placing yourself in a negative light.

Instead, handle yourself with respect and grace. Treat him in the way that you would want to be treated if the roles were reversed. Make it clear that you love him and want him to be happy, but respect his request and make it clear that you’re going to take advantage of the time also. This doesn’t mean to play games or insinuate that you’re going to act out. This means showing him that you are strong, independent, and capable. Not only that, but that you’ll do your own reflecting during this process.

Show Him The Strong And Attractive Side Of You, Not The Weak And Needy Side: It’s so easy to “just check in.” Or to call and text much more than you intend to. It’s all too tempting to keep checking his face book page or twitter or however else you keep tabs on him. Resist this urge. It will only make you appear to be needy and less than attractive. You will again become the woman who is holding on too tight. Stay as busy as you need to be so that you aren’t tempted to do these things. However, make sure that these things that keep you busy are fun for you.

Surely there are things that you’ve meant to do lately but just haven’t gotten around to it or postponed because you didn’t want to take time away from him. Well, now is the perfect time to take advantage of this time. Do not sit home and dwell on this. Do not play sad love songs or write painful poetry. Don’t pull out old photos or videos. All of these things will only feed into your feeling desperate and this is not what you want.

Instead, focus on things that make you happy, build your confidence and build some peace. Know that this is going to turn out OK, no matter what because you both deserve to be happy. Go get a makeover or new hair style. Make sure he knows that you love yourself enough to care about you as much as you do him.

Create Positive Perceptions: He may be having doubts and negative perceptions about the relationship right now, but you can’t control his thoughts. You can only control how you act and respond when the two of you interact right now. And, you want to leave him thinking positive thoughts when he thinks of you. This doesn’t mean that you need to be overly sweet or syrupy nice. He’s probably smart enough to spot insincerity and trickery. But, you are very capable of interacting in a positive way. You ware very capable of showing him the best side of yourself which presents the qualities that he fell in love with. You know how to hold a light hearted and happy conversation with him.

Do not present yourself as the wounded on whom he should take pity. Present yourself as the fun loving woman who is pleasant and fun to be around. This will make him miss you quicker than trying to convince him that he’s wrong – which is what many of us do. I know that this might run counter to what you feel like doing, but try to take a step back and think about what’s really best, not what feels right at this time – but what might later turn out to be a mistake.

It was my husband, not me, who wanted space. Unfortunately, I drew on negative emotions rather than positive ones. This seriously backfired. Thankfully, I realized my tactics were not working and changed course. Eventually, I was able to not only restore my husband’s love, but to save our marriage.

Ways To Win Your Husband’s Love

1-Listen actively. When your husband expresses an opinion or a thought, pay attention. This shows you respect him and his views and nothing pleases a man more.
2-Dress pleasantly/attractively. Mostly women dress properly when going outside and at home they wear worst clothes..U should dress urself so that ur husband will feel good when he looks at u…
3-Smell good.

wink

4-Say thank you with a smile. When your husband does an odd job around the house, thank him like you really mean it. He will know that his help is not taken for granted and he will be happy to do more.
5-Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug.
6-Prepare his favorite meal. After he returns home from work on an ordinary day, surprise your husband with his favorite dinner. He will not only be glad to have the food he likes best, but will appreciate the time and effort you put in preparing it.
7-Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break
8-Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”… because unlike women, men’s thoughts are as random as the results of a Google search.
9-Give your husband a nice massage, after a particularly exhausting day at work.

wink

10- Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother. Treat his siblings as ur siblings and his father as ur father and u would see then how much he will respect u
11-Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam.
12-Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
13-Compliment him on the things you know he’s not so confident about (looks, intelligence) etc. This will build his self-esteem.
14-Tell him he’s the best husband ever.
15-Call his relatives for a lunch or dinner at your home.
16-Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
17-When he’s talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you’re interested.
18-Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta’ala gives you something really to complaint about.
19-Help him to find and build his inner strengths and skills.
20-Encourage him to do good deeds.
21-Share Islamic knowledge with each other. Try to watch Islamic channels together so that u both can learn.
22- If he’s in a bad mood, give him some space. He’ll get over it, insha Allah.
23-Thank him sincerely for providing you with everything.
24- If he’s angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you’re quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he’s calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
25-When you’re mad at him, don’t say “YOU make me furious”, rather, “This action makes me upset”. Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
26-Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
27-Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they’re good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn’t feel “cooped up” at home.
28-If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really.
29[b]-Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings[/b].
30-Don’t get mad over small things. It’s not worth it.
31-Make jokes. If you’re not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.
32-Tell him you’re the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you’re good at.
33-Learn to make his favorite dish.
34-Don’t ever, EVER talk bad about him with ur friends or family unnecessarily.
35-Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you’re a housewife, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.
36-Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. NOT give command or instruction like servant. Because Allah says in quan “They are garment to each other”
37-Tell your husband you love him many many times.
38- Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisps.
39- Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan.
40-The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Try to make his favorite food
41-Always let him know that you appreciate him working. It makes it easier for him to go to work.
42-Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities can be gifts.
43-Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely geeky things like Queries, Tables and other boring things.)
44-Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies.
45-Take care of your skin, esp. facial. Face is center of attraction.
46- Learn tricks and “techniques” to please your husband in intimacy. Of course goes both ways.
47-When you are sitting together, quietly slip your hand into his. Your husband will love the easy expression of intimacy between you two.
48- If you are not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don’t wait till matters become worse.
49-Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time
50-Don’t discuss important/controversial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.
51-Learn to compromise
52-Respect his rights
53-You have to know about the financial conditions of your husband so that you do not demand a thing that is too hard for him to buy. Because if wife demands a very expensive thing which husband couldnt buy then he becomes mentally tensed and sometimes he does not tell her wife about that.
54-Ups and Downs are a part of time. You have to keep your behavior with your husband same in both times. Else he will be broken. If any calamity strikes him make him sure that you are with him and will be always
55-Share your happiness and sadness with him.
56-Accept him as is, he is a package deal.
57-Send your husband a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
58-Send him an email without a reason.
59-Ask him to buy gifts to his parents and siblings.
60-Write love notes or poems and place them in the book he’s been reading.
61-Teach your children to respect and honor their father.
62-Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
63-Call your husband with the best names, cute nicknames, and names he loves to hear.
64-Always give him pleasant surprise.
65- Preserve and guard the tongue.
66-Expect, accept, and overlook his shortcomings.
67-Expect and respect his jealously.
68-Put food in your husband’s mouth.
69-Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
70-Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
71-Avoid being harsh-hearted.
72-Respect and show that you appreciate his thinking.
73-Respect and understand him when he might not be in mood for intimacy.
74-Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
75-Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
76-Have a good intention for him.
77-Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
78-Let him have the TV remote. Granted, that you wish your husband spent more time with you, than watching the sports channel/NEWS, but it will make him happy.
79-Find a quiet moment with your husband to whisper “ I love you” in his ears. If you have already said it, say it again. You can never say these three words too often and you can be sure, that every time it will make your husband glad, he married you.
80–Hold his gaze. When you are speaking to your husband or listening to him, make sure that you keep eye contact. This will assure him of your attention and your respect, which is empowering to any man.
81-Take care of his money and properties.

A woman came to ask the Prophet (peace be upon him) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” (Ahmad, al-Nisa’i Al-Targhib wa’l-Tarhib, 3/52)

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

“Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.”

[Ibn Majah, Book 1 Hadith 59

When You Miss Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve To Be Missed

The only sure thing about life is that it is in constant motion; days pass, seasons change, people leave. Sometimes people are taken from us, and sometimes they choose to walk away. People can leave in the worst way possible: without warning, without explanation, without a word, and then, there are times when people leave for the better (these are not mutually exclusive).

The truth is, there are some people we are better off without. There are people who, for one reason or another, are just toxic to our lives. There are a million platitudes people will spew at you to try to reinforce what you already know; “You’re better off,” “He didn’t deserve you,” “I bet he regrets how he treated you.” But the truth is, it doesn’t matter if those things are true. Because ultimately, when someone leaves, especially when they leave for the better, you’re not stuck on what that person is feeling, you’re stuck on what you’re feeling: missing someone who doesn’t deserve to be missed.

There are a million reasons why we love people: the way they look when they first wake up, the comfort and safety they give, because they’ve raised us. The reasons we miss someone seem to typically connect with the reasons why we love them: the good things they made us feel, the memories we don’t want to let go of. When someone leaves us who has mistreated us or hurt us physically, emotionally, or psychologically, there is a disconnect that happens between brain and heart, and oftentimes, it can be painfully confusing.

How is it possible to miss someone when most the memories of them are flooded with pain? The brain takes over and asks, “Am I so screwed up that I actually long to be back in that cycle of destruction?” The heart, as far as I’ve found, doesn’t have one simple answer. Maybe we miss people we “shouldn’t” miss because we want to know if maybe someday they would’ve been better, loved us like we loved them, showed they care the way we wanted them to. Maybe we are so connected to the few good memories, they become a lifeboat even in the vast sea of disappointment.

It’s important to remember that missing someone who hurt you does not make you a masochist, and it does not make you damaged. In fact, it only speaks even louder the fact that your love was too big for them to hold.

So miss people. Miss them even though they don’t deserve to be missed. Miss them because, good for you or not, they were a very real part of your life.

Miss them. Give their memory more than they ever gave you in the flesh.

Road for Plab

BEFORE YOU START

Roadmap for PLAB by Naseer

Finances for PLAB journey by William

IELTS

Free online course by British Council

Best online guide by LIZ

IELTS advantage – best alternative

Writing correction by Ielts blog

IELTS mania by Dr Shilpa

Cracking the IELTS by Dr Tanher

Guidance by Dr Naseerkhan

Useful books for IELTS

Free materials online

PLAB VISA

Guidance by Dr Naseerkhan

Guidance by Dr Ibrahim

Guidance by Dr Shilpa

PLAB 1

Everything needed for PLAB (free download)

Plabable.com a capsule for plab 1

Guidance by Dr Omar

Guidance by Dr Naseer

Materials for PLAB 1

PLAB 2

Guidance by Dr Naseer

Guidance by Dr Omar

Experience by William (Samson academy)

GMC REGISTRATION

How to setup a GMC account online

Guidance by Dr Naseer

CLINICAL ATTACHMENT / OBSERVERSHIP

Guidance by Dr Omar

JOB INTERVIEWS

Success tips by Omar

Books for interview preparation

Interview for SHO/ FY2 by Abubakkar

Experience by Naseer

What your demands should be? by Midhun

TIER 2 VISA

UK NARIC – Alternative for UKVI IELTS

Guidance by Dr Naseer

Tier 2 for Dependent by Omar

Guidance by Abubakkar

UK Naric by William

ACCOMMODATION

Recommendation by Dr Reema Rasul

Guidance by Omar

LIFESTYLE & EXPENSES

How to open a bank account easily by Midhun

Expenses in UK by Omar

Expenditure & savings in UK by Naseer

Road to UK by Ibrahim

Total expenditure on moving to UK

JUNIOR DOCTOR GUIDE

LAT FY2 experience by Mohammad

Common problems IMGs face with solutions by Omar

PG medical training in UK by Varthika

Free revision resources by Varthika

General tips by Zahra

Reflecting on experiences of IMGs by Dr Deji Ayonrinde

Free resources for Doctors

MRCPass – https://www.mrcpass.com

  • Notes on topics covered in MRCP Part 1
  • 130 MCQ questions
  • Bookmark questions
  • Choose questions by topic
  • Track statistics
  • Look back over wrong answers

Revise MRCP – http://www.revisemrcp.com/

  • Covers MRCP Parts 1 and 2
  • Over 5,000 MCQs arranged by topic
  • Free to sign up
  • Past papers going back to September 2010

Medexam.net – http://www.medexam.net/

  • Over 1,800 MCQs with detailed answers
  • Updated with new information every day
  • Covers MRCP, MRCGP and PLAB exams

Exam Doctor – http://examdoctor.co.uk/

  • Sign up for a free seven-day trial – there is an app if you pay for a subscription
  • Over 35,000 MCQs
  • Mock exam feature

Almost a Doctor – http://almostadoctor.co.uk/

  • Works like Wikipedia – put together by registered users but subject to quality control
  • Contains notes, mindmaps, flashcards and an OSCE checklist
  • Blogs from other junior doctors
  • Lots of notes on different topics

PassMed – http://www.passmed.co.uk/

  • Notes on study skills, revision, history taking and clinical skills
  • Free – being created by a group of currently working junior doctors
  • Aims to cover material that is ‘hard-to-find’ in textbooks
  • You can download the entire web site as an app